


I Wanna Wrap You Up

by areyoutherelarry



Series: Ziam Military AU [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Military, Foster Care, Kid Fic, M/M, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-23
Updated: 2014-07-13
Packaged: 2018-02-05 20:46:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1831702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/areyoutherelarry/pseuds/areyoutherelarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn and Liam begin fostering a little girl but did two make the decision or just one? And can the one who was left out, begin to feel wanted again. </p>
<p>Can stand alone with brief author's note.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You're All I Ever Wanted

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Hunter Hayes's "Wanted". 
> 
> This story is a sequel to History in the Making, but it can stand alone as long as you know that they live in New York and this takes place in 2009. Liam is in the military and Zayn is an art therapist who has a son with his deceased ex-fiancee Perrie.

            Zayn wants Liam to have kids probably more than Liam wants Liam to have kids. After seeing him with Taj, he knows that Liam will make a wonderful father. He realizes that Liam sees himself as Taj’s father but it's not like having his own child. He wants him to be able to be there from the very beginning. To see their child walk and play and talk for the first time. He didn't get to see any of that with Taj. He still feels like he shares Taj with Perrie that Liam is Taj’s parent but not in the same way and maybe that’s really wrong. Maybe he’s a horrible person, but he can’t stop the feeling that he and Liam should raise a child, from the very beginning, together.

            Frankly, they’re too poor to have a surrogate or adopt internationally. Not only that, but Zayn, if they’re going to start now, is going to have to go at it alone. He and Liam will not be able to adopt a child together because Liam won’t be able to hide the documentation from his work. It’s just another reason that Zayn hates the military and maybe he gets more frustrated with Liam about another child because he knows Liam knows that his military status gets in their way. Honestly, fostering is really the only viable option for them, but fostering comes with it’s own set of problems. It's a little harrowing to think about maybe having to give back a child you have taken care of and loved, yet it’s the only way for them.

            Getting the nerve up to talk to Liam about fostering is a whole different story, especially when Liam brushes him off each time he talks about another child. Zayn thinks it’s because Liam always sees the broach of the child subject to be Zayn’s way of telling him he needs to find a nice girl to knock up. He brings up fostering one night over dinner and Liam is extremely hesitant. He expects it and eventually just wears Liam down.

            Zayn starts classes nearly right after their conversation because he doesn't want Liam to change his mind. Because Zayn can pretend outwardly that this is for Liam, but inwardly, he can be honest with himself and say that it's also for him. He loves raising Taj, and he wants to raise another baby even more because this time it will be with Liam.

All things considered everything goes pretty smoothly. Well, at least no huge hedges, they are after all dealing with a really messed up New York City system.

It takes three months for them, well Zayn, to be cleared because Liam is only put on the sheet as a back-up guardian and babysitter. It’s supposed to look like he’s no more than a close friend when really they’re nearly equal partners in the endeavor.

            The first call about a child comes while Liam is away in Germany. Of course, he's forgotten his charger for his computer in the States, and, therefore, Zayn can't contact him very easily. Liam’s been calling once a day from payphones across the city and they can barely talk for more than 15 minutes before the fee becomes astronomical. It’s already an extra expense they don’t really need. And, of course, as always, he can't use his work computer to make contact in case somebody finds out. The call is about a three-day old baby, Arya, with a mother with a substance abuse habit. With the stigma of “crack babies,” this child is less likely to be accepted by other families, but Zayn has done plenty of research and knows that that there is no conclusive evidence to say that there are long-term effects of crack on babies. It's exactly what they, mostly Zayn, always talked about. Zayn says yes. He knows it's heedless, he knows Liam will be pissed, but he does it anyways hoping that if she's there Liam will forgive him easily. She’s a much moodier baby than Taj and he’s already exhausted three days in, and then Liam is on his way home.

            Zayn picks Liam up by himself at the airport. He looks haggard, and Zayn doesn't want to take him home and add to the bone-deep weariness that is etched into Liam’s demeanor. He regrets his decision to hide it from him when Liam smiles and it’s like Zayn is the best thing Liam’s seen in days, maybe even weeks. When Liam curls his fist into the back of Zayn’s shirt and sighs contentedly, Zayn hates himself a little bit. Liam, of course, doesn't kiss him in the middle of the airport, but the way that he looks at Zayn and his fist rests in the small of Zayn’s back means everything.

            “Hey,” Liam whispers, his grip on Zayn’s shirt tightening.

            “Hello,” Zayn responds and Liam grins ridiculously at him.

            Liam’s fist loosens and he says, “I missed you.”

            “I still miss you,” Zayn retorts, and Liam’s face dampens.

            “I’ll make it up to you in the car,” Liam murmurs back.

            Liam lives up to his word and they do kiss in the car, a lot. To the point where Zayn thinks they’ll make it a public indecency charge and Liam does. He unzips Zayn’s jeans and bends to lick at the tip that has pressed against his navel. Liam goes for quick reaction and focuses on the head. Zayn plays with Liam’s hair and he knows Liam keeps it long now just for this purpose. He doesn’t hold back, he doesn’t slow it down to make it last, and he comes in Liam’s mouth with a guttural moan. After a few moments of enjoying his post-coital haze, he pulls Liam in for a kiss. He can still taste himself when he licks into Liam’s mouth minutes later. When he reaches his hand into Liam’s pants, Liam is only half hard and he pushes Zayn’s hand away.

            “You’re the exhibitionist, not me. I’ll wait until tonight when I can fuck you into the mattress.”

            Zayn lets out a breathy half-laugh half-moan, zips up his pants, and presses his head back against the headrest to gain some composure before wielding a moving vehicle.

            There's a part of him that knows not warning Liam about Arya is a bad idea. There is also a part of Zayn that's doing it so that Liam can't walk away before he’s seen her. Zayn wants Arya to rope him in, and he knows she can with her big eyes and soft hair.

            They go home and Waliyha is there, playing a board game with Taj. He launches himself at Liam who picks up the little boy and asks him about his weeks. It's heartwarming and Zayn hopes that he will also do that with Arya in the coming years. Waliyha knows that Zayn hasn’t told Liam, so she feigns that she has an important event and gets the hell out of dodge. Taj and Liam are talking about his trip to Germany and Liam is taking their gifts out of his bag when the baby monitor goes off. It's a deep loud scream and it startles Liam but Taj just keeps talking over the screeching.

            “Who is that?” Liam asks

            “It's Arya,” Taj says plainly and goes back to a story about the food fight during lunch.

            Zayn scurries off to the master bedroom and comes back with Arya snuffling on his shoulder. He hands her to Liam like it’s not a big deal, and Liam takes her instinctively. She whines a little bit more but settles into the crook of Liam’s arm pretty well. He’s still looking quizzically at Zayn, but it’s not exactly with anger. Zayn feels relief inject into his veins and he grins half-heartedly at him, but this isn’t a fake grin it’s real and hopeful. Liam grins back at him confusedly.

            “Whose is she?” Liam asks softly, almost like a coo.

            “Ours,” Zayn releases and regrets it as Liam stiffens.

            “I don’t remember her from when I left.”

            “She’s only been here a few days,” Taj interjects.

            “Figured as much,” Liam says, not pulling his eyes away from Zayn.

            “ACS called, and she’s everything we ever talked about and it wasn’t easy to get in contact with with you because you left your charger here and we talked about this,” Zayn reasons.

            “Hypothetically, we talked about this, hypothetically,” Liam says, “But I never expected you to say yes without me.”

            “Come on, Liam, you said you wanted to be a dad.”

            “I said I wanted to parent with you, but this doesn’t feel like ‘with’ to me.”

            “Fuck, then maybe you shouldn’t have forgotten your charger.”

            “Don’t throw this on me. Forgetting a charger that’s a mistake, fostering a child without a discussion with your significant other is a fucking fuck up.”

            “Don’t swear in front of my kids.”

            “Exactly,” Liam snorts, “You don’t want to parent with me, you want to boss me around like I owe you something.”

            Zayn retreats a little when Liam acidly hisses and responds, “That’s not true.”

            “Yes, it is, you don’t give a flying f… about what I think. You do what you want and just hope I’ll cave and forgive you. Well, that’s not going to happen this time. I tried to release your hang-ups, but clearly you don’t want that. I can’t handle this right now.”

            Liam offers Arya back to Zayn and Zayn feels like he’s rejecting all of them. Liam is only pulled out of the argument when Taj tugs hesitantly on his sleeve, “Are you leaving?”

            “Yeah, bud, I’m sorry,” Liam sighs, running his hand over his neck.

            Taj whimpers and wetness forms in his eyes, “But… you can’t leave us.”

            “I don’t want to.”

            “Then don’t.”

            “It’s an adult thing, bud, and I can’t stay.”

            “But I’m a kid and I want you to stay. Can’t we do the kid thing?”

            “No, I’m sorry, bud.”

            “But, but…” At this point, Taj really starts crying and Zayn grits his teeth so he won’t do the same.

            “I’ll just be down the hall, buddy,” Liam cajoles, “You can come visit me whenever your dad says it’s all right. I still love you, buddy.”

            Taj launches himself at Liam and Liam kisses his hair before he moves out of the room and then the apartment. Taj runs to his room and slams the door. All the jostling and noise makes Arya’s waterworks start again. Zayn murmurs soothingly to her. Taj refuses to come out of his room for the rest of the evening; he stays in his room throwing a tennis ball against the wall. Zayn tries to coerce Taj with corndogs and fries, but Taj still refuses and the ball thumps rhythmically against his wall until nine-thirty when he finally falls asleep.

            Blessedly, the next morning is Saturday and Zayn can hopefully win Taj back, but from the minute he comes out of his room Taj is begging Zayn to let him go to Liam’s. Even though he knows Liam is probably up, he holds Taj off until eleven when he crashes around the apartment as Zayn attempts to keep Arya asleep during her midmorning nap.

            He watches Taj gleefully skip down the hallway and pound on the door. It opens, Liam in sweatpants and no shirt leans out of his door, and waves at Zayn in acknowledgement. Zayn doesn’t have his glasses on or his contacts in but he’s nearly positive that no smile accompanies the gesture. He slinks back into the apartment and listens to Arya through the baby monitor. He should probably do something productive, but all the drive has left him when the two people he cares about most would rather be with each other than with him. He sighs and drops his face to his hand and runs his other hand through his hair. He’s probably extremely needy, but he makes Taj’s favorite so he’ll come home for dinner. Liam sends him back with another wave, but again there’s no smile and stone-faced Liam is something hard to get used to. He wants to demand the fucking Liam promised him the afternoon before, wants the kisses with the bumping teeth, and even wants back the mere hand fisted in his shirt that he resented yesterday.

            During dinner, Taj eats enthusiastically and spends the rest of the time examining Zayn’s face. Zayn tries to focus on keeping Arya calm by rocking her car seat with his socked foot.

            “I think Liam’s sad,” Taj says softly and Zayn responds with a noncommittal noise that he hopes shows the opposite of the disgusting, overwhelming joy he feels.

            “Dad, can you guys make-up please?”

            “It’s more complicated than that.”

            “But it’s not, you love each other. I know you do. You just make each other sad when you fight. It doesn’t make anything better.”

            “Adult fights are usually based on pride more than anything.”

            “Adult fights don’t make sense,” Taj groans as he takes his plate to the kitchen. He then takes over rocking Arya’s car seat; he coos at her and puts his finger next to her hands so that she grasps it reflexively. He giggles softly and rubs his other hand against her cheek. Zayn does the dishes and knows that this could be enough. It was enough before Liam and it can be enough now. When he’s done with the dishes he sits on the couch and lets Taj choose a movie. Taj presses into his side and he rests Arya on his chest. She fusses occasionally, but it’s rather peaceful.

            The next morning, Louis and Harry show up for a trip to American Museum of Natural History. Louis is carrying a tray of four drinks while Harry sips on his tea. Louis immediately demands to switch with Zayn who is holding a swaddled Arya.

            “You didn’t buy him coffee, right?” Zayn asks as Louis points out whose drinks are whose.

            “No, you fucker, it’s a hot chocolate.”

            “Don’t swear Uncle Lou.”

            “Well, tell your dad to stop being a fucker and I’ll stop pointing out the obvious,” Louis comments dryly as he points out the rest of the drinks.

            “Where is Payno, anyways? Doesn’t he know we have dinosaurs to see,” Louis demands.

            “He’s not coming,” Taj sighs.

            “Why ever not? I’m not taking jetlag as an excuse. We’d never see him if he always used jetlag as an excuse.”

            “Adult things.”

            “Adult things, elaborate or maybe your dad should.”

            “I don’t know, I’m a kid,” the overwhelming sass strikes Zayn squarely because it’s malicious and directed at him. Louis turns to him with a glare and Zayn feels like he’s been thrown into the lion’s den.

            “He wasn’t ready for the commitment that a baby requires.”

            “Please,” Louis sighs, “He just doesn’t like you pulling a fast one on him. You know occasionally they like their feelings to be considered.”

            “He left his charger.”

            “Calling bullshit.”

            “Uncle Lou, not around Arya,” Taj scolds, “Or me really. I’m still a child.”

            “Sorry, love, gotta call it when I see it.”

            Taj sighs heavily but seems to see the logic in it. Louis contemplates Zayn for a few long seconds before turning sharply on his heels, still holding Arya. He opens the apartment door and walks to Liam’s studio. He raps loudly on the door and when the door opens, Zayn ducks back into his apartment. His heart is racing and there’s no viable reason for it really. It’s just that when Liam doesn’t follow Louis down the hall to go with them, it will be another string tethering them together snipped.

           After five solid minutes, Louis comes back looking annoyed. Zayn is a little disappointed when Liam doesn’t follow Louis because he’ll be honest that he didn’t think Liam could withstand a Tomlinson browbeating. Harry also looks a little shocked and his face contorts in question when he glances at Louis. Louis purposefully ignores both of them and asks Taj what he is most excited to see while Arya drools on his collarbone; it’s almost like he’s stalling.

            When they finally leave the apartment, Liam is leaning against the door of his apartment. He’s wearing an Adidas hoodie, a beanie, jeans, and Timberlands; everything’s black.

            “What are you going to a funeral?” Harry quips.

            “Yeah, my own,” Liam sulks back and Louis shoots him a dirty look. Taj doesn’t notice the tension between the adults because he’s so excited to have them all together. Zayn suddenly wants to pull Taj and Arya closer to him. To wrap them up and keep them within his grasp, he glances at Taj who has wiggled his way into Liam’s side and is speaking in quick snippets. He can see his son wrench a smile onto Liam’s face and he looks younger than even his clothes make him look.

            Arya is about as bundled up as he could get her, but he’d still like her to be more covered, especially her cheeks that are smooth and prone to windburn. Or at least that’s the excuse he makes for taking her back from Louis who looks slightly affronted but allows it when he sees the sling Zayn starts fitting over his body from the diaper bag Harry slung across himself. Zayn is comforted by her reassuring weight as he positions her to be able to breath freely. He’d spoken with the doctor about the best positions for her before even considering holding her in a sling. He’d been too scared to use one with Taj, but it’d been so damn inconvenient to lug around a car seat or stroller at all times especially on public transportation.  

            They ride public transportation and Zayn wants to put them both in protective covering in order to hide them from the inordinate amount of people sneezing. It takes nearly a mile of walking, one bus, and two trains to get there. On their longest subway trip, there are only four seats together, so Liam pulls Taj into his lap and Taj immediately relaxes into Liam’s chest. He falls asleep within seconds and Liam rubs his hand casually up and down Taj’s back like it’s habit. And Zayn knows it is, because Taj takes a while to fall asleep, always has, and on days when Taj can’t fall asleep or gets up in the middle of the night Liam has taken to staying up with him because Zayn is usually surly and belligerent when he’s suddenly woken. That’s why, after Perrie died, he made it a habit of staying up until Taj woke up and wanted to crawl into bed with him. He always let him because what do you say to a little boy who just lost his mother and has a shit father who can’t stop himself from being an absolute dick when he’s woken up in the middle of the night. Liam leans his head against the window with his eyes closed but keeps one tight arm wrapped around Taj. Louis sears Zayn with the looks he sends and Zayn occupies himself with checking on Arya, in order to not have to make eye contact with his best friend who won’t let him get away with this dissolution of a relationship that means something to people who aren’t him and Liam, people who won’t be able to get over it, people who need both of them, not just one of them.

            Taj loves the museum and he drags them all through the exhibits, and he stops to read everything and what he doesn’t understand he looks to Zayn for clarification unless it’s about the military, stage, or culinary arts. Zayn loves his thirst for knowledge, his concentrated face with his brow crinkled, and the way his questions are meticulously thought out. Zayn brushes Liam’s hands so many times that he knows Liam realizes it’s not an accident. It’s just habit; habits are hard to break Zayn reminds himself. It’s not wrong; it doesn’t mean he won’t be able to get over Liam. It only means that linking their fingers is something that Zayn hasn’t unlearned. By the end of the trip, out of self-preservation Zayn thinks, Liam has taken to walking with his arms crossed. It makes him look more thuggish, until Taj makes a smile creep over his lips and then the puppy is back.

            While Louis and Harry head off in one direction, Liam and Zayn take Taj and Arya to a family event. Zayn sees the hesitation on Liam’s face, but he doesn’t want to third wheel it and he also doesn’t want to see the elated grin drop from Taj’s face. The event is interactive and requires audience participation. Liam for the most part participates with Taj, but Taj keeps glancing at Zayn contemplatively. The director then asks for children to come down with their parents and Taj’s neck immediately snaps to Zayn. Zayn sees the disappointment Liam tries to hide and the ache in his chest wrings.

            “Dad?”

            “I can’t, I have Arya,” Zayn responds regretfully and Taj’s smile drops for the first time since they walked into the building.

            “I’ll take her,” Liam says with conviction as if he’s daring Zayn to argue. Zayn doesn’t and hands him the wriggling infant. He offers Liam the sling, but Liam shakes his head as he lays the baby right over the logo on his shirt. She looks smaller and more fragile against Liam’s chest, and Zayn knows that Liam will protect her even if it will break Zayn. The contrast between them is sharp and agonizing, and Zayn could watch them together forever, just like Liam and Taj, but Taj is tugging him to the front of the room with the eagerness of a dog after “walk” is uttered.

            Halfway through the little activity, something pulls on the back of Zayn’s skull, like when you can tell someone is staring at you, and he swivels to look up at the only person who could be causing it, but Liam’s not looking at him. His eyes are only for Arya whose limbs are moving against the black sweatshirt. Zayn catches Liam as he bows his head to press his lips to her forehead, and again it feels like Zayn’s heart clenches. He doesn’t look back again because the regret is almost suffocating. He weaves a hand into Taj’s hair to ground himself. Taj glances up at him and presses up on Zayn’s hand, and he grins at Taj because Taj understands him without even trying.

            Liam doesn’t hand Arya back to Zayn until they’re in the hallway of their apartment building, and when he does it’s almost regretfully. Taj asks to have dinner with Liam and Zayn lets him go because he doesn’t want to see Taj’s smile drop again. Liam brings Taj back right before nine and Taj tries desperately to pull him into the apartment, but Liam resolutely plants his feet on the opposite side of the threshold even when tears glimmer in Taj’s eyes and his voice quivers. It’s easier to build disdain against Liam when he does this to Taj, but it’s not as easy when he looks into Liam’s face. He’s not doing it maliciously; he’s doing it in self-preservation. Zayn can see Liam’s troubled eyes and the way that he bites the inside of his bottom lip. Taj goes to his room and throws the tennis ball against his wall again; Zayn wonders how much their neighbors hate them.

            On Wednesday morning, Taj is an absolute terror. He refuses to come out of his room and won’t put on anything Zayn chooses for him but he won’t choose anything either. Zayn asks him to rock Arya’s car seat when she starts fussing, and instead he pouts and refuses. She squalls loudly and it continues throughout the car ride. Taj doesn’t give him a hug or kiss and when Zayn says he loves him Taj doesn’t return it, he just sulks into the building. Zayn’s flustered; therefore, he doesn’t realize the reason until lunchtime. Wednesday is usually the day that Liam picks Taj up from Mrs. Hardy’s early, and Taj doesn’t think Liam is going to come. Zayn tries to get out earlier and he’ll fill that role, but of course, the universe is against him and a meeting is scheduled for a new inmate at the end of the day. Not only does he not get out early, but he manages to get out nearly an hour later than usual. He calls Mrs. Hardy to apologize.

            “Hello?”

            “Hi, Mrs. Hardy it’s Zayn Malik. I’m sorry I’m so late; my meeting ran over.”

            “It’s Wednesday, darling. Liam was here nearly the minute we got back from the elementary school.”

            “Oh, I’m sure Taj was excited to see him.”

            “He started crying the poor thing; both Liam and I were so confused, but they were happy tears I think.”

            “Mmmm,” Zayn murmurs in response because he’s not exactly sure how to respond, “I’ll be around to get Arya as soon as possible.”

            “Sweetheart, are you okay?” Mrs. Hardy asks concernedly, “Liam got her as well. Was he not supposed to?”

            “No, no, that’s fine. I thought the activity he planned was just for him and Taj.”

            “Okay,” she responds but it’s still questioning, “Good-bye.”

            “Bye, thanks again.”

            He hangs up and relief relaxes his muscles, but it’s also wistful. He waffles between wanting Liam’s support and wanting Liam to leave them alone if this isn’t forever. They’re not in the apartment when Zayn arrives, and Zayn walks down to Liam’s studio. He knocks on the door and Liam pulls open the door with a large grin on his face. He’s holding Arya like a football and he can hear Taj giggling in the background. He can almost forget about their separation and the way that Liam thinks Zayn looks down on him. He leans in without thinking to kiss Liam and Liam softens for a second but Zayn can feel the moment he remembers.

            “Zayn,” Liam says forcedly with a hint of sadness.

            “We need to talk, yeah?”

            “Okay.”

            “After they’re in bed?”

            “I’ll come around at ten.”

            “Let’s go, Taj.”

            “Leeyum,” Taj whines, “Don’t you want to come with us?”

            Liam crouches down and says something to Taj that Zayn can’t hear, but Taj nods aggressively and hugs Liam tightly. Liam begrudgingly puts Arya in her car seat and hands her to Zayn.

            Zayn’s hands start shaking as he tucks Taj in. Taj grins at him and hugs him tightly with a kiss on the cheek. He sits on the couch because he almost cuts his hand open when he tries to do the dishes. There’s a soft knock on the door right before ten and Zayn jumps up to let Liam in.

            “Hey,” Liam whispers as if he’s scared of his own voice.

            “Hi,” Zayn responds and realizes that his voice isn’t any louder.

            “Can we talk at the table?”

            Zayn nods, and they go to the little table in the corner and sit down. Liam is wearing his lip down with his teeth as Zayn tugs on his own with the fingers of his right hand. When they make eye contact, it’s with the same chemistry as always but it’s dampened by the anxiety that they both feel about what that chemistry means.

            “I won’t take it back,” Zayn says quickly.

            “I know,” Liam laughs.

            “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything but I won’t regret her.”

            “I don’t want you to. I’d never want her to have that kind of humiliation. But Zayn, I don’t know if I can just forget about this.”

            “Could you try, please?”

            “I’ve been trying and each time I think about it my heart wants me to come back but my head tells me no.”

            “I love you,” Zayn murmurs sincerely.

            “I know and I love you, but do you love me enough? Will you ever love me to the point where you trust me completely and rely on me?”

            “I don’t know.”

            “I know and that’s the problem. Zayn, I have to be in a relationship where I know that I’m not considered a liability. That I’m considered an asset; something helpful, I don’t want to be treated like another kid. I want you to know that I’ll catch you. I want to be treated like I matter.”

            “You matter,” Zayn grumbles.

            “But I want to be treated like it.”

            “I don’t know how.”

            “Learn.”

            “I don’t know how.”

            “Or you don’t want to try and I can’t be with someone who won’t even try.”

            “I thought you loved me, despite my hang-ups.”

            “I tried to.”

            “You don’t really care.”

            “Don’t say that. I’m just sick of doing all the work myself.”

            “Fuck…” Zayn trails off as Liam interrupts him with a headshake.

            “Don’t, okay, just don’t,” Liam mumbles and then with conviction adds, “I still want to be in their lives. I don’t want to see Taj cry like he did today because he didn’t think I was coming. I want him to be able to rely on me, even if you can’t. I’ll pick them up early on Wednesdays and watch them anytime you need. I’d like to see them everyday, but I understand if you don’t want to do that. I know I have no right to ask to see them, but I’d like to. I hope you’ll let me.”

            “Liam, I’m not cruel. I know how much Taj means to you and you to Taj, but why Arya?”

            “Because you were right, she’s everything we ever wanted and I’m not going to let her think it was her fault. I’ll treat her the same way I treat her brother because despite everything they’re ours whether you like it or not.”

            Zayn fish mouths and Liam rushes out. The tears finally come in a rush of snot and sobs. Zayn calls Louis who lets out an angry scoff.

            “Win him back,” Louis demands.

            “I don’t know how.”

            “Stop being pathetic and try, just fucking try, you asshat.”

            The next day, when he goes to try, a beautiful woman in spandex shorts and a tanktop answers Liam’s door and Zayn turns away sharply with a murmur about a mistake. This always happens when he tries. 


	2. I Wanna Make You Feel Wanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam has to decide if he should listen to his heart or his head.

            Liam never comes to clarify why there’s a woman in his apartment like Zayn half expects him to do. In fact, he waits for any kind of mention of it. But Liam doesn’t say anything when Zayn drops the kids off so he can make dinner, or when he picks them up forty-five minutes later. He wants him to explain himself without Zayn having to seem jealous, but he never says anything even though Zayn continues to see her leave right around the same time that he does with the kids every morning. It’s a constant reminder and the wound gets reopened each day when he looks at the bouncing curls. It goes on for over two weeks without either of them mentioning her.

            Finally, on a freezing Saturday afternoon, he confronts Liam because he feels so hesitant and questioning about what her presence could mean for him, for the kids; will Liam now forget all about them. Has he moved on? Taj convinces Liam to come into the apartment and he reluctantly sits on the couch as Taj runs gleefully to his room.

            “How long have you been seeing her?”

            “Zayn?”

            “The woman in your apartment, how long have you been seeing her?”

            “I don’t like what you’re insinuating.”

            “How long, Liam?”

            “We’re not seeing each other. I mean obviously I wake up and see Dani’s face everyday, but we’re not dating. I’m gay, Zayn, that’s not really going to change just because we’ve…” He gestures generally and continues, “and I really don’t like that you’re insinuating I was cheating.” Liam sighs, leaning forward with his arms crossed against his chest, “When exactly would I have had the time to cheat?”

            “I wasn’t saying that.”

            Liam just nods and Zayn can only read anger from his body language.

            “I just thought you might’ve decided to go out with her.”

            “God, sometimes, you are so stupid. You are the smartest person I know and you can be so fucking stupid.”

            “But she just popped up out of nowhere.”

            “No, Zayn, she really didn’t. I’ve told you about her. We met at one of Harry’s parties back when I was at West Point and she was at Julliard. She’s been a friend of mine for quite a while, but she just moved back to New York from LA. She thought she was going to be moving in with some of the other dancers, but they were doing a lot of drugs and Dani’s not about that. She emailed me and asked if I knew anybody who had apartments available and I said no, but that I had a place she could use for the time being. She’d been crashing at Harry and Louis’s, but you know how overwhelming they can be. She’d been back in LA for a gig, but then she came back and I didn’t know I was going to have to live there too. I’ve been sleeping on the floor.”

            “You could come back.”

            “Yes, because we’re in such a good place right now.”

            “Are you guys fighting?” Taj asks as he comes into the room; his arms are laden with things to show Liam.

            “No,” Zayn lies and Liam throws him a dirty look because he hates lying to Taj, but Zayn doesn’t care when Taj’s shoulders sag in relief. Taj shows him the drawing he’s been working on and his history project that earned him an A+. Liam smiles through the whole presentation and ruffles Taj’s hair when he’s done. Taj pleads with Liam to stay for dinner and it doesn’t take much for Liam to give in. He’s glad he’s made Liam’s favorite because the nostalgic look on Liam’s face is worth it. Liam helps Zayn get both kids into bed, and he misses their teamwork, especially now that there’s another child around. Liam makes a beeline for the door, but Zayn gets between him and his destination.

            “Zayn,” Liam sighs, “Don’t.”

            “I’ve missed you,” Zayn whispers. Liam doesn’t move and his lip turns up slightly at Zayn’s words, but he doesn’t return them.

            “Come sleep with me,” Zayn asks.

            “I shouldn’t.”

            “It’s better than sleeping on the floor of the studio.”

            “Might be true.”

            “This can’t be the end of us, Liam,” Zayn pleads, and Liam looks up at him.  

            Liam pulls his lips into his mouth and bites down on them. He looks like he’s contemplating his entire life and then he’s crowding Zayn into the door. Zayn lets out a completely undignified squeak when Liam lifts him up by his thighs and presses him against the door. He’s forced to rely on Liam and the thrill rips through him. Liam leans down and leaves nipping kisses along Zayn’s jaw. Zayn grabs the back of Liam’s shirt and yanks it over his head. He twists one of Liam’s nipples between his fingertips and is rewarded with a gasped noise against his collarbone. Liam prompts him to pull his shirt over his head and then Liam bends his head to graze his lips over the places recently uncovered. Liam sucks a bruise into the same place that he always does and Zayn weaves his hand into Liam’s hair to hold him there. He wants to see the mark on his neck in the mirror tomorrow. He wants a reminder of this moment because he’s acutely aware that it could be the last time. This isn’t a promise; Liam’s acting in almost desperation and memorization like he’ll have to hang onto this for a while. The edges of teeth press into his skin and his whole body lurches closer to Liam. He groans when arousal turns to slight pain and Liam laves his tongue over the mark.

            Liam shifts and Zayn thinks he might put him down but instead he adjusts his hands to carry Zayn to the master bedroom. The minute Liam puts Zayn down he moves to divest himself of all of his clothes, but Liam drops to his knees and stills Zayn’s frantic hands.

            “I want to,” Liam whispers onto the sensitive skin below Zayn’s belly button. A shiver pulses through Zayn’s body and he becomes intensely aware of the blood rushing to his cock. He has to put his hands on Liam’s shoulders when the cognizance makes him unsteady. Each move Liam makes in undressing Zayn is accompanied by a kiss to the skin revealed, and it does not improve Zayn’s light-headedness one bit. He runs his fingers through the hair on the top of Liam’s head and Liam beams up at him. He can’t help the soft, vulnerable look that graces his features. Liam nips at his inner thighs and Zayn makes noises he’s only ever made with Liam.

            Liam guides him over to the bed and licks at the tip of Zayn’s dick when Zayn sits on the edge. Liam stands up, pushes Zayn onto the bed, and walks to the nightstand to grab the lube. Liam doesn’t tease him anymore with light kisses, he engulfs Zayn’s entire prick with his mouth, and he almost misses Liam’s finger pressing into him. He hasn’t felt that stretch in quite a while. It’s been over a month since they had sex, and Zayn concentrates on the feeling of Liam’s mouth rather than the burn that accompanies his second finger.

            “Baby, you’re so tight,” Liam murmurs into the skin on his hip, and Zayn whimpers when he adds a third finger. The burn is stronger than he expected, his erection wanes, and Liam looks up at him with concern.

            “Do you want me to keep blowing you?” Liam asks and then stutters out, “I kind of… wanted you to come… when I was… in you…but I don’t want to hurt you.”

            “ ‘M fine,” Zayn says on a deep breath, “I want to come when you’re in me too. But I need you to stretch me a little bit longer. I like the burn, but not that much.”

            “Of course, babe, of course,” Liam says, slowly moving his fingers in and out of Zayn. Zayn closes his eyes and tries to relax completely, which is why he doesn’t see Liam dip his head to place open-mouthed kisses to his already puffy rim. Zayn lurches and Liam giggles as his fingers continue to move. Liam waits to press his length into him until Zayn’s fully hard again. Liam lifts Zayn’s legs up and rocks into him. He waits for Zayn’s approval and when the pain turns to anticipation, Zayn slaps Liam’s hip. Liam laughs and leans down to press his lips to Zayn’s. The kiss is a distraction from the thrust of Liam’s hips.

            Liam continues to hold Zayn’s legs up so that he can move at the perfect angle, and Zayn reaches up to pull Liam closer into him. The kisses, just like Liam’s thrusts, get sloppier and sloppier the closer they get to orgasm. Liam drops one of Zayn’s legs and reaches his hand between them to bring Zayn to orgasm. As the orgasm courses through him, his clenching muscles bring Liam over the edge. Liam falls next to him and Zayn just lies there ruminating in the post-coital haze. Zayn kisses him reverently and Liam shuffles down the bed to lick up his come. Liam looks like he’s moving to leave, but he just scoops up both pairs of underwear for them to put on before pulling Zayn’s back flush against his chest.

            “Liam…” Zayn says.

            “I don’t want talking to ruin this,” Liam whispers into Zayn’s spine and Zayn lets the ‘I love you,’ drop off his tongue and back down his throat.

            Arya’s wails startle him awake, and he moves to roll out of bed when Liam drops a hand on his hip and mutters that he’ll get her. He starts to fall back asleep until he can hear Liam’s soothing voice. He’s talking in sweet, soft undertones, Zayn hears him sit down in the rocking chair with her, and then Liam starts singing.

            “Oh, her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they're not shining/ Her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her trying/ She's so beautiful/ And I tell her everyday,” Liam sings softly and his voice is melodic. Zayn wants to stay awake for this moment and cherish it, relish in it, but Liam is bound and determined for the song to put them to sleep.

            It’s probably the best night’s sleep Zayn has had since Arya arrived and probably since before Liam left for his overseas trip. Zayn doesn’t wake up again until Liam is picking up and pulling on all of his clothes. He smiles sheepishly when he sees Zayn’s eyes on him. Zayn sits up and crosses his arms over his chest as he watches Liam clumsily try to leave the room.

            “Liam…”

            “I can’t be here when Taj wakes up, I can’t do that to him.”

            “But you can fuck me and leave.”

            “Zayn, I…”

            “You’re sending so many mixed signals. What is going on in your head?”

            “It’s not my head that’s the problem, it’s my heart. My heart that desperately loves you when my head says it’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever continued to do.”

            “I’m sorry, okay? I trust you with my life, with my children’s lives; I miss everything you do around here. I miss knowing someone else will be there to pick up my slack. And I hate myself for doing this; it’s always self-sabotage for me. I love you,” he sighs and swings his body so his legs are over the edge of the bed.

            Liam looks at him sadly and comes to stand in front of him. Zayn looks up at him hopefully and Liam’s face is a little regretful, placing his lips against Zayn’s forehead. They stay like that for a minute before Liam pulls away and walks out the door. While it’s the most sleep he’s gotten in nearly a month, he ruins it by sobbing until Arya starts sniveling too.

            Taj picks up on Zayn’s sadness and doesn’t press about going to see Liam or where he is. He’s happy to be pulled into Zayn’s side as they watch Power Rangers.

            Taj helps get Arya’s things ready before Liam picks them up to go to some kind of indoor playground and then have dinner. Liam hates her stroller but not as much as he hates her car seat, so he always uses a wrap carrier he bought after trying the sling one Zayn prefers. He puts her in the carrier and then zips his coat up around her so only her tuft of hair is visible, which is then covered by a little hat. Zayn kisses the little hand that sneaks out of the wrap as Taj goes to find his snow boots.

            “Are you going to paint?”

            “Not sure, haven’t felt like it in a while.”

            “Sorry.”

            “S’ not your fault.”

            “You were cranking them out before I left.”

            “My muse is fickle,” He responds and tries to keep it from sounding accusatory, “Might go spend some time with Louis and Harry.”

            “That’ll be fun; Niall and his girlfriend are going to be coming with us.”

            “That’ll be nice.”

            Zayn turns around to triple-check Arya’s diaper bag.

            “Zee,” Liam exhales weakly, and Zayn’s neck snaps towards him. It’s obvious he’s about to say something when Taj’s heavy footfalls head toward the entryway. Liam ushers Taj out the door with a contemplative glance at Zayn.

            Zayn considers calling Louis and Harry, but they’ll scorn him until he feels worse than he already does. He decides to punish himself more and watches _Casablanca_ with a big bowl of Doritos and an entire two-liter of Mountain Dew. By the end, he’s surrounded by tissues, his nose is still stuffy, and his eyes bloodshot. A key wiggles in the door and Zayn nearly falls onto the floor. Taj sprints past him as he walks into the hallway with a quick hi.

            When Liam sees him, he freezes, “Sorry, I thought you’d be out. I wouldn’t have used it if I knew you were here. You probably want this back,” Liam says, holding out the key.

            “Keep it,” Zayn grumbles.

            “Everything okay?”

            “Yeah, just been watching some movies.”

            “Which ones?”

            “Just finished _Casablanca.”_

Liam’s lips unconsciously pull into a smile and Zayn’s fingers pull on his own lip. They keep eye contact and Zayn wants to press his face next to Arya’s on Liam’s neck.

            “I’m ready,” Taj screams as he skids into Liam’s legs with his backpack.

            “Here’s looking at you, kid,” Liam says with a quirked lip as he follows Taj out the door. Zayn lets out a strangled laugh after they’ve left and feels like he’s cracking open. He heads back to the couch where he spends the rest of the afternoon flipping channels.

            Taj comes back happy and sated, but the Mountain Dew has kicked in and Zayn has to rush around the house getting things ready for the week. Arya is feeding off his agitated energy. He gets her to fall into a restless sleep for about forty minutes when he first tries around seven, but after that he’s up and down with her. He has to leave Taj to his own devices and the calculating glances from his son make him feel inadequate. Taj rocks her in her seat while Zayn makes her a bottle and her lungs aren’t being blown out so he’ll consider it a win. He brings Arya into Taj’s room to say goodnight to him, and Taj smiles indulgently at him and squeezes Zayn tighter during their goodnight hug.

            Arya doesn’t fall into a sleep longer than thirty minutes, and at two a.m. Zayn finally breaks. Frustrated tears are streaming down his face and he wonders what he’s doing wrong. He doesn’t hear the front door of the apartment as he paces back and forth when she starts crying again.  

            Suddenly, Liam’s at his side reassuring and real; Liam pulls him into his space and presses kisses against their foreheads. He relaxes into Liam’s side, molding their bodies together. They fit incredibly well together and Zayn is relieved to have him there even though Arya’s still whimpering.

            “Go to sleep, Zayn; I’ll take care of her.”

            “No, no, I’ve got her.”

            “Zayn, you need to sleep.”

            “Okay, okay,” Zayn concedes and gently places her in his arms; he squeezes Liam’s waist and says, “I trust you, especially since you’re probably better at it than me anyways.”

            “That’s not true; you’re just exhausted, baby.”

            Zayn curls up under the covers and he can still he her whimpers, but he takes a few deep breaths and trusts Liam to take care of her. It’s not as relaxing as the night before because Arya still snivels most of the night and Liam doesn’t curl around Zayn ever. Liam spends his night curled into recliner next to Arya’s crib, so he can jump to get her.

            When Zayn wakes up to his alarm, Liam is reclined in the chair with a sleeping Arya on his chest, fast asleep too with one large hand on Arya’s tiny back. His first instinct is to be annoyed that Liam put her in danger, but then he realizes that Liam wouldn’t do that, especially not intentionally. He bends down to take her off Liam’s chest to change her and feed her before he drops her off at Mrs. Hardy’s. Except when Zayn moves to take her, Liam’s grip tightens and he moves in a protective manner around her.

            “I’ve got her,” Liam mumbles defensively.

            “I know, babe, but I’ve got to get her ready for daycare.”

            “What time is it?”

            “6:30.”

            “I don’t have to be at work until 10:30.”

            “Then go back to sleep.”

            “I’ll help you get ready first.”

            “Babe, you don’t have to.”

            “But I want to, that’s the difference. You get that, right?”

            “Yeah, I’m starting to.”

            Liam grins bleary-eyed at him and kisses both their cheeks. Zayn almost pulls him back and calls off work and school, but giving up their routine won’t bring them back to their normal. Liam makes a simple breakfast, but it makes Zayn’s life easier. He can feed Arya while Liam gets Taj up. Before Taj goes to eat, he snuggles into Zayn’s side and whispers, “Is Liam going to stay?”

            “I hope so.”

            Taj’s head bobs and he goes to the kitchen when Liam calls him to hurry up before his food gets cold. Taj eats and gets ready to go without much interference from Zayn. Liam changes Arya’s diaper, slathers baby lotion on her, and puts her into a warm outfit. She’s yawning in her car seat when Zayn is ready to leave.

            “I might actually be on time today,” he jokes as Liam helps Taj put his backpack on.

            “It’s a miracle,” Liam laughs and kisses Taj’s forehead, Arya’s cheek, and finally the corner of Zayn’s mouth, “I kind of want to go back to bed.”

            “Do it.”

            “Can I sleep here?”

            “Nothing would make me happier,” Zayn responds sincerely, and presses his lips, almost fiercely, against Liam’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how good I feel about this story. I had all these grandiose ideas and I just don't feel like I executed them as well as I would've liked.   
> Hopefully, I'll get reinsured by this verse and write something rocking again. 
> 
> Also, if you like non-AU Ziam, I've started a story that's going to be based mostly on the WWA Tour. I'd love it if you checked it out. I'm kind of obsessed with writing it lately. 
> 
> As always, you all are wonderful and every comment, kudos, bookmark, etc. makes my day!

**Author's Note:**

> All comments, kudos, constructive criticism, and bookmarks are very much appreciated!
> 
> There will be one more chapter.


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